Daven has a doctor!

We interviewed my old doctor today. I always liked him and so did my parents, so we went in to talk to him about being Daven's doctor. He was just as nice as I remember him being and A really liked him. He even remembered me!

He talked to us about how one of the doctors would come out to the hospital to examine Daven after he's born, about breastfeeding and vaccinations. I feel a lot better now knowing that this is one thing we can cross off the list. Plus, their office is super close to our house.

A's mom recommended a daycare for us to look at because one of her coworkers just had a baby and said that she really liked it there. I called, and no one answered. Since we were already out, we decided to try to go there anywhere. Well we found the place, but it looks like they are closed this week. They should at least have a voice mail! It's in a small church that's pretty close to my work. I'm going to try calling them next week to set up an appointment. Hopefully this place will work out. I know it sounds lazy, but I really just don't feel like going around to a ton of places.

So my aunt and cousin from Hawaii are in town. I went and had dinner with them last night and then hung out at my grandpa's for a while. I had no idea though, that I was going to get bombarded with concerns from her about my birthing process.

It all started when we were sitting at Olive Garden waiting for a table and she asked me if I had taken any birthing classes.

Nope.

What?

No, I haven't.

But this is the most important thing you are going to have to do in your life. How are you going to do this without being prepared?

I don't say anything, but I'm thinking to myself that I'll probably just push when the doctor tells me to.

Luckily the buzzer saves me, we get a table, and I think this is the last I've heard about the subject.

Nope.

We get back to grandpa's and A gets off work and comes over. Then she really lays it on me.

You need to make sure that you have a vaginal birth.

Ok.

If you are not prepared for labor, you might end up with a c-section.

::thinking to myself:: I could end up with a c-section anyway...

She then spouts off this list of things that could go wrong with the baby if we have to have a c-section, about all the developmental delays that could happen, all the reflexes that the baby might not have or may have too much of.

I mostly just sit there and listen to what she's saying. I know that she's smart and passionate about what she studies. It just happens to be my luck that she has decided to choose now to do all this research on infants.

I do not want to have a c-section by any means. But I also do not think that anything that I do is going to cause me to have to have one. And if it comes down to it, I will do whatever I can to make sure that Daven comes out healthy and unharmed.

I just hope that she doesn't feel the need to talk about this every time I see her while she's here the next two weeks!

Guess what? Tomorrow is a very important milestone - 35/35!

The holidays makes me a lazy blogger

Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Even though ours was exhausting, it was good too.

As of last Thursday, Christmas eve, Daven is as bulky as a cantaloupe.

And let me tell you - it sure feels like I'm carrying around a big melon! Don't get me wrong though. I am so glad that he is still an inside baby growing and healthy!

Here's me on Christmas eve at 34 weeks.



It's pretty exciting to think that next year will be Daven's first Christmas. Things will be so different! And yes, he will be getting his picture taken with Santa!

So last week I did a lot of shopping. And wrapping. It was worth it though. Last Monday was hard because it was Grandma's birthday. I went with my aunt and my grandpa to her grave. It was the first time I had been out there since the funeral. Then we had lunch. It made my grandpa really happy that I was there, although I can tell that he is sad. He does have cancer in his throat, and he told me before I left that he thinks this will be his last Christmas. I love you, grandpa, and you should know better than to tell your 8 months pregnant granddaughter something like that!

I also met A at work for lunch last week. We had Skyline Chili, and it was delicious. I was so upset that I couldn't finish my plate. Mmmm, I could totally have that again today...

Christmas eve we went over to my uncle's house to have Christmas with my mom's side of the family. That was interesting. Everyone quoted Christmas Vacation and got drunk. My uncle was so busy drinking beer he didn't even eat any dinner. Something is wrong with that.

We were over there quite a while because after dinner my mom and her brothers were all in the kitchen "cleaning". Yeah, that means drinking. Everyone kept asking me over and over if I knew whether it was a boy or a girl. Um, you all asked me this last time I saw you! We exchanged giftcards and I was allowed to sit in the comfy recliner.

Christmas day was nonstop. We started by opening presents, just A and I. He got me a netbook! I'm using it right now! And it's blue! I've also got a Nook ordered that I should get in a few weeks. And I got a few blueray movies. A really spoils me.

Then we went to A's parents for breakfast. I had pancakes with sprinkles. A had scrambled eggs with cheese and turkey bacon. Then we opened presents over there. They got us our travel system! I got a new coat and a few sweaters. I got more than that, but I honestly can't remember.

Next was over to my parents' house. We had dinner over there. I had to eat tiny portions of everything because I don't have room in my belly to fit anything in there!

Mom got us a bassinet, so now at least if Daven comes early and the nursery isn't finished, he will have some place to sleep! I also got a really nice ring. It doesn't fit on my pregnant fingers though! I'm hoping that in a few months it will fit. If not, I'll have to go get it sized. Oh, and I got a Charlie Brown nativity set! I don't know where mom found it, but it's so cute! Even A approved! How can you not when Woodstock is baby Jesus?

I took a short nap after dinner and my sister and her boyfriend came over about 10 minutes before we had to leave. I swear, she better not say anything about us not giving a shit about her again when we all got her presents and she showed up empty-handed. Granted, I wasn't expecting anything from her, but she likes to have these pity parties for herself and spout things that aren't true. Thank goodness my other sister is on track with shit. I don't think I could handle having two siblings having issues!

After this we went home long enough to let Oreo out. Then we headed over to my grandpa's. We sat there for a while and talked while they ate. I would have liked to eat there, but knew I shouldn't since we were going over to A's parents again.

Got back over to his parents' house and things were crazy like I expected. All the nephews were running wild, all hopped up on sugar. We had dinner and opened presents. I loved that my youngest nephew liked his Sponge Bob pjs. The others did not like their clothes, and I knew they wouldn't, but I wasn't about to spend a bunch of money on them when they aren't going to be grateful no matter what you give them.

We got a few things for Daven, including an aquarium scene that hangs on the crib. It's really cool. We finally got home after 9 at night and A and I relaxed on the couch and watched Monsters vs. Aliens. Loved it!

I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing with A and just kind of hanging out. We went to a hibachi grill with his sister and brother and everyone. We wanted to go to Maido, but when I called Sat. to make reservations, they weren't open! I was so mad!

I really wish that A had the week off like I do. I want him to be home. I know I should be up and cleaning the house, but I just don't feel very good. I know Daven doesn't mean it, but he's killing my ribs and making it rather difficult to breath. I really hope that when I go back to work next week I'm able to manage.

Today is A's sister's birthday. We're going out later tonight to have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. I've never been before. I've got to go out sometime today and get her a gift. I just don't know what to get her, since I just got her everything I could think of for Christmas. I can't even seem to manage to get off my ass to take a shower!

Well, I'm sure this has been really long and boring to read. I'll really try to keep updating more often.

The end is in sight!

I've got one more class today to get through, and then no more until next year! Granted, I still have a lot of stuff to get done this afternoon in my free time here at work to get ready for when we come back from break, but it's almost Christmas break! I'm so excited!

The Christmas program was yesterday, and although I was dead on my feet by the end, everyone said that it went well. I thought that the kids did a nice job. I am so glad that it's over. The program ended up being an hour and a half long. Do that twice in a day, and you really don't have much left in you to give! A was nice enough to come and watch, just like he does every year. I know that it's really torture for him (hell, I probably wouldn't want to sit through it either!) but he's super supportive, so he came. Love you, A!

Since said program was yesterday, I didn't have a chance to do my normal Thursday post. So here it is today.

How big is baby Daven now? He's a pineapple!

I like when his size comparison is with a fruit I actually like!

Did I mention in my last post that my morning sickness has come back out of nowhere? Because it has. I'm not a fan. And neither are my stomach muscles. I'm hoping though, with the next 2 weeks off that it won't affect me. See, I never seen to get sick in the morning when I don't have to get up early and go to work. Even if I still end up waking up relatively early, like 7 or 8, it normally won't bother me. But on days that the alarm goes off a little after 6, that's when it's bad. Go figure.

It's really weird to think that when I come back to work, I will really only have a month before Daven is supposed to be here! How crazy is that?

Here's a different kind of pic for you. I took this sometime within the past week. It's the top view of my tummy.

Pretty strange that my tummy actually sticks out further than my boobs, huh?

And here are the pics that you're used to seeing. You've gotta love the closed eyes in the first one!




I love you, baby Daven! We can't wait to meet you!

I know it's been a week. I'm sorry. I really am. I have been meaning to get on here and shit. With the stress of the Christmas program and getting sick, I feel like I've lost my mind. There just isn't enough time in the day!

Ok, ok, so last Thursday was the 32 week mark. Had my appointment. Daven's still doing great!

What's a jicama? Whatever it is, that's how big Daven is supposed to be. I personally feel like he's bigger than that!

Looks like a potato to me, and I know that my baby boy is bigger than a potato!

Also, here are my pics from last Thursday at 32 weeks. Again, sorry that it's taken me this long!






Sorry about the dirty mirror. That damn thing just won't stay clean and I have better things to do!

So, a lot has been going on, but not that I could recall everything or have time to write it all down. I was sick. It was miserable trying to work at the same time. My doctor gave me some antibiotics last week that I just finished taking a few nights ago. It helped. I've still got a cough and some chest gunk, but it's nothing compared to how I was feeling.

The bad thing is that I got A sick. Hopefully he doesn't get it as bad as I had it. I feel so guilty though, because I know that it is all my fault that he's feeling bad. I also may have gotten one of my friends sick, even though she was only over at my house once last week and we didn't even touch. Damn I suck.

A's mom was in the hospital a few nights ago. She was having heart problems and had to stay overnight for observation and testing. I really hope that everything comes back ok. I was really worried about her.

Also, it's still to be heard whether or not my grandpa has cancer again. They cut some sort of mass out of his throat last week and he was supposed to get the results a few days ago. I still haven't heard. I really hope that he's not sick, because I'm not sure that he will even be willing to go through radiation at his age, and we've just gotten to the point where I can really be close to him and spend regular time together. This can't be happening now, with Daven so close to being here. He's got to have his Great Grandpa here to play with! I keep waiting to hear from my aunt about the results.

In other news, my mother has decided that she is going to do my baby shower. I was really excited that she actually wanted to do it! But now she's being all weird, just like she was when we were trying to plan my wedding, and it makes me immediately feel guilty. A's mom wants to invite too many people. Mom doesn't want the shower to be big. Mom doesn't want any kids to be there (which will only affect one person, and that makes me sad that she won't be able to come if her two sweet girls aren't with her). Mom only wants to have cake and punch - no veggies or finger foods and sandwiches. Ahhh! I'm trying to just let her do her thing. Trying!

I also found out that my school is going to have a shower for me during our inservice day in Jan. I really wasn't expecting them to do anything honestly.

Well, the dress rehearsal is this afternoon and the program is tomorrow. I'm so close I can taste it! But there's also a lot to be done. Like decorating the gym and folding the programs once they are printed. I am so looking forward to break. I haven't bought hardly any Christmas presents yet.

Well, I've got to get ready for my next class. Wish me luck!

::sniffle sniffle::

I haven't updated in a few days. I'm sorry. I've felt sick since Sunday. I knew this was going to happen, because I get sick every year in December before the Christmas program.

Sunday - Sore throat and my nose started to run. Didn't go out to eat with my family.

Monday - Same, plus stuffy nose. Went on my plan to get some Tylenol Cold. Immediately threw up my lunch. Luckily some teachers were near by and they insisted that I go home from work 2 hours early. Although I never actually took my temp, I'm pretty sure I was running a fever because I was chilled all day and then later that night when I woke up from a nap, I was drenched in sweat.

Tuesday - Add in an ear ache. Yay! I felt a little better immediately after taking each dose of meds, but that wears off before the 4 hour wait period is over to take the stuff again. I had to stay after school for a meeting, and my whimpy ass didn't get home until 5! I had so much trouble getting to sleep. I had restless legs like crazy.

Today - Argh, my ears! I blow my nose (eleventy-billion times) and one of my ears will pop. If this isn't painful enough, I then feel immediately dizzy. That lasts until my ear manages to go back to "normal". I could feel some fluid moving around in my right ear - yuck. I'm also starting to develop a bit of a cough. Boo. I've been walking around school today looking like a zombie.

I really have to thank A for taking care of me and listening to my constant complaining. I love him so much. He's got to be sick of me being sick by now. I just really hope that he doesn't get whatever I have! I love you, handsome hubby!

Despite my misery, Daven seems to be doing ok. He's just been kickin' up a storm in there. Granted, a lot of his kicks are going directly into the right side of my ribcage, but I'll endure that. He's got to be running out of room!

I've got an appointment after school tomorrow, and hopefully that goes well.

I need a nap. Bad. This people penguin needs to go home!

Not too much has been going on. I've spent most of my weekend in front of the tv, even though there's been nothing on. Weekend television would be more pleasant if I liked to watch sports. But that's not going to happen!

A had to work yesterday, and right now he's over at his parent's house being guilted into helping his dad with their basement. He's pretty grumpy because he hasn't had much time to relax. I can't blame him though. It stinks not having him around. The weekends are supposed to be our time together!

Well yesterday I managed to ruin a friendship. My only friend that comes around often at all is pissed at me. She's been in a bad place over her ex boyfriend and lately he's been trying to be "friends" with her. Some words were said, and I don't really want to go into any detail. but I told her how I felt about the situation because I am worried for her. And now she doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

I must look like a bitch, all married and pregnant trying to give relationship advice. But I'm not going to go along with her self-destruction either. So I'm done. It's a shame, because she was my closest friend.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat. This morning, that's still here plus a runny nose. I took some Tylenol Cold and drank some hot tea with honey. But I feel like complete shit. I can't even make myself get up and take a shower. It hurts to move.

I wish I had more to talk about. Sorry!

I know it's been a while, but I have an excuse!

See, a few days ago I wrote a blog entry. I was on A's laptop. I got all the way finished and clicked on "publish post". Nothing. It wouldn't freaking do it! I gave up after a while, and told myself I would come back and try again later. Well I didn't. I kept thinking, no, I need to get that one to post before I write anything new. So that's my excuse.

I've decided to just leave it and go on.

I am 31 weeks today! 6 more weeks until Daven is considered full-term. 9 more weeks until my due date! Baby Daven should now weigh as much as 4 navel oranges, however much that is.

It's crazy to think that Daven used to be smaller than that quarter. Although don't get me wrong - he could still totally mess with me when he was that little. I am sooooooo thankful that the everyday morning sickness has finally passed!

Ow. Ow, ow. Daven just kicked my ribs on my right side. He is a wiggle worm!

I'm still pretty itchy. But I keep forgetting to put the steroid cream on, so I couldn't tell you whether or not it actually works. Oops.

I can't remember if I already posted about this or if it was in the one post that got left aside, but both nipples are now leaking. And it hurts! I have to put lotion on them twice a day, otherwise they will get stuck to the inside of my bra, and THAT is no fun at all.

So now that I am able to eat much like a normal person again, Daven has traded that with my good night's sleep. I get up about every hour to pee each night. I'm having a hard time getting comfortable as well. People warned me that sleep in 3rd tri supposedly gets you ready for your sleepless nights with your newborn baby. I think they are right. I will take that bad sleep though, if it means that Daven stays put for a while longer!

I have now officially deemed myself as a people-penguin. This is because I waddle slowly from side to side when I walk now. Did I mention how slow I am? I'm pretty sure this little guy could outrun me!


If only I was as cute as this little buddy! Look at him!

Lots of things have been going on at work that I could complain about, but I wouldn't want all those bad thoughts to share the same space as Pengy here, so I'm just going to skip that.

It wouldn't be a Thursday without belly pics!






I love you Daven! Keep moving and growing!

It's another Monday

I forgot to mention the other day that Daven should now be the size of a cabbage! He should weigh at least 3 pounds, although I'm thinking that he weighs more than that. It sure feels like I'm carrying more than a cabbage in my belly!


So my big complaint right now is that I always feel like I have to pee. Always. I can literally stand up to pull my pants back up after peeing and immediately feel like I have to go again. But when I try to go, there's nothing there. Or if there is, it's a tiny tinkle not worth sitting down for. This is super annoying.

I wish I knew for sure when I really for real had to pee and when it's just Daven messing with me and pressing on my bladder. This is not good for my work environment, because I'm finding that sometimes I have to leave a class more than once to waddle to the bathroom!

Daven has been moving around a lot lately. A couple days ago, A was laying with his head on my stomach and Daven kicked him right in the mouth! Also, you can now see my stomach move from across the room when he's being really active. It's pretty neat. Right now he's kicking the crap out of me. I think he's hungry.

I'm happy that all our decorations are up, although my holiday table runner is still MIA! I like coming home from work and being able to turn the tree lights on. I just wish that Mia and Coheed would stop thinking that it's their personal play thing though. I can't seem to keep the ornaments on the tree. And when you catch Mia in the act, she just hides back in the corner of the tree where you can't reach her.

I know that the kitties were under there today because when I got home, three ornaments were on the floor and two of their kitty toys were under the tree!

Well crap, our electric in the house is somehow messed up. I can turn the tree on, but the tv won't turn on. Neither will the dining room or kitchen lights. But the office and the bathroom turn on. WTH? A's dad is going to come over and look. It's not going to be a very fun night if we can't watch our shows or at least record them!

Work today actually wasn't super bad, although I am really tired. I'm really trying not to get too stressed about these next 3 weeks until the Christmas program. We'll see how that goes.

Oh, have I mentioned that both nipples are leaking now? Because they are. And it hurts.

I guess I should figure out what in the world we are going to do for dinner tonight. I was thinking tacos, but then once I got home I realized that I used all the damn tortillas. Does this mean we have an excuse to eat out? I mean, I know we should be using all out $ for Christmas presents, but eating out sounds like such a good idea...

Of course I'm thankful!

I know that I didn't write anything yesterday. I'm sorry! But it was Thanksgiving, and we were out and about.

We are so thankful that we have Daven and that he is healthy and growing. We can't wait until the holidays next year when he's here to celebrate with us!

I woke up before A as usual, and I starting watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on tv. What did I realize? It sucks. The marching bands and children's groups from around the country got like a 20 second spot while every single float that housed some dumb-ass singing celebrity got what seemed like an insane amount of time. Yeah, cute float, but I don't really care to watch you lip sync your song! Lame!

We went over to A's parents' house for dinner at 1 P.M. Farking delicious! Turkey, cranberry, mashed potatoes, stuffing and gravy - drool. There were other things on the table, but I couldn't get everything! I had to pick and choose since I can't seem to eat as much as I used to. The stuffing and gravy was my favorite. My MIL made it from scratch.

She also made 5 different kinds of pies, even though I only had room enough to have a slice of the lemon. I need to go back so that I can get some leftovers before they are all gone!

After dinner I sat around for a while and looked at the adds for Black Friday (even though I didn't go out today). Then I started to get a bit of a tummy ache and I went upstairs to lay down. I slept in A's old water bed. It was heated, so it was really nice. Aside from having a very difficult time getting up and back out of the bed, it was easier on my hips than our bed is.

When I finally managed to wake back up, we went over to my parents' house, even though mom acted like she didn't really want us to. They went Derby Dinner Playhouse for a show and lunch earlier in the day, because mom stuck to her guns and didn't cook. We sat around for a bit and talked to her, and then headed home.

Well actually, first we went to Walgreens to get cheese in a can and crackers and sour gummy worms, because that's what I was wanting. And then we went to White Castles, because it was past dinner time.

Came home, ate, and watched a movie. Then I fell asleep on the couch while A watched wrestling.

Today, we've cleaned and gotten out the decorations. The tree is up, and I'm putting on the ornaments in a bit. I like having the house decorated for the holidays, and we even have out all of A's Hanukkah decorations. It confuses people that there are both decorations in the house. It's kind of funny.

So it's pretty crazy that we only have 10 weeks left before Daven gets here, and even less if he decides to come early!

Please excuse the dirty mirror in this week's pics. I cleaned it today! But I took the pics yesterday, so that's a fail. I figured I'd do a little comparison of how things have changed in the past 10 weeks. See for yourself if you can tell a difference.

20 weeks vs. 30 weeks

20 weeks

30 weeks

20 weeks

30 weeks

20 weeks

30 weeks

I tried to do the pics side by side, but blogger said FU and wouldn't let me do it. Well, it would put them side by side, but when I published my post, you could only see the pics on the left. I started grumbling and A said "I will not let you get in a bad mood over your freaking blog." I guess he's right. But damnit, I've seen other people do side by side pictures on their blogs!

Almost 30 weeks, almost Thanksgiving!

I had my doctor's appointment this morning. It was so nice to go in there and NOT have to get blood taken this time! I managed to lose 2 pounds in the past two weeks. No idea how I managed that. I've actually been able to eat more normally. You really wouldn't think that pregnancy would be a good diet!

I found out that my overbearing rash is just eczema, although it is a severe case. My doctor cringed when I took off my long sleeve shirt to show her the rash all the way up my arm. She prescribed me a steroid cream to put on where ever I'm breaking out, and made me promise to try not to scratch my belly.

Daven's heartbeat is still sounding great, and he's measuring on track!

So I went on my BRU registry today to get a handle on how many big-ticket items we had, and also to add a few things. And what did I notice? Someone has purchased our travel system! What a freaking relief! I mean, I really don't expect anyone to spend lots of money on us, but it is a bit of stress off my shoulders that now we have the car seat/stroller combo for Daven.

Now I just have to keep myself from registry stalking!

A and I still need to register at Target. I said we should do it tonight. Now I have a massive headache, so who knows. But if we don't do it now, then we'll be sharing the isles with all of the crazed holiday shoppers! And the thing is, we registered at Babies R Us right after we found out we were having a boy, so that was 10 weeks ago! It's crazy how the time flies!

Progress is being made upstairs, although it's a slow one. At least the framing work is getting done. After that I think will be the insulation and the drywall. So Daven, please stay put, because your room isn't ready yet. As much as we want to meet you, we also want everything to be ready before you get here. I know it's starting to get crowded in there, but please wait!

I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, although I still can't help but be bummed that mom is refusing to cook anything. She makes it seem like it's no big deal and makes me feel guilty for asking her to cook. I guess she doesn't realize how upset it made me when I found out she wasn't cooking anything. Maybe she's forgotten what pregnant emotions are?

Salmon patties for dinner tonight! (and no, of course I'm not making them!) I just hope that this tummy ache caused by my headache doesn't get in the way of me being able to eat dinner! And A, before you say anything, I already took Tylenol. Although I don't think it does anything to help me, I know that's the first thing you'll want me to do! Love you, sweetie!

I'm done with my work week! Yay! I don't have to come back to this hell hole until Monday!

Today was long, like I thought it would be, because all the kids were like hyenas on speed . I almost wished I had some turkey to force feed them so they would mellow out!

So the itching? It has gotten out of control. Someone said that they thought it could be PUPPPs (please don't ask me what it stands for because I'm too lazy to look it up). I google image searched it to see, but it looks so similar to eczema, it's really hard to tell. I've heard that you get it on your belly, but it also spreads to other areas, like your arms and legs. Yeah, I have it bad. My upper, inner thighs have it. My arms from my wrists up to my armpits have it. My tummy has it. My neck has it. I have it on my fingers. I'll save you and not post a pic of what it looks like. Luckily I go to the doctor in the morning, so hopefully she can tell me for sure. When I look my sweater off today in class the kids looked at me like I had leparcy.

I can't tell if I've got the rash on my nipples too, or if they just itch because they are leaking. A is spooked by it. He won't touch them now.

Oh, I was so excited because last night we went to Red Lobster to eat. I love their food, but we haven't been able to go because the smell of that place made me sick. Well I had been seeing commercials for their new promotions and really wanted to eat there so we gave it a try. Success! I had their cherry maple glazed salmon and crab legs. So freaking good! And since our server accidentally gave me chicken instead of salmon at first, he gave us free dessert! I ate more last night then I have in a very long time. It was nice to actually be able to enjoy a meal again. I thought I'd never get that back!

Ok, I think my itchy ass is going to go home now. No, my ass doesn't have the rash...yet.

Someone turn off the tears, please!

Because this cry factory is working overtime. I cannot seem to stop crying. And I cry over everything. I can't stand that I don't have any control over it. And I know that A's got to feel helpless.

Here's what's been going on since I last updated:

Friday - went out to eat at Olive Garden with A's mom, dad, and brother. I got my favorite - gnocchi. Yum. Then what did we do? I think we went home, and I went to bed early. I think.

No wait, then after dinner we went to Shoe Carnival. I got a new pair of shoes and A's friend Greg showed us the ring he bought for my sister. Then maybe we went to Kroger to get some soft drinks?

Saturday - my sister's bf proposed to her. She said yes! (Ok, yes, they are young, and have only dated each other and don't have enough money to support one another) I figured they are going to hear all of that from plenty of other people, so I'm just keeping my mouth shut and letting them be happy and figure it all out. He treats her well, and if it's meant to be, they will find a way.

Mom decided that she's not going to do Thanksgiving. I cried.

We went to go see New Moon with my sis and her friends. Then we ate at Logans (barf) Well, they ate. I sat there. I ate a frozen pizza when I got home.

Sunday -A and I went to Cracker Barrel to eat breakfast. I got upset about something and started crying. A tried to help calm me down by buying me this cute snowmen light up decoration. I felt bad that he was spending his money on me and I cried some more.

Then he went to the U of L game with his friend, and I cried. My friend said she would hang out with me, but instead she went shopping with another pregnant chic so I cried. I called my mom, but she didn't want to talk to me, so I cried. (you seeing a pattern yet?)

We ate dinner with my grandpa, aunt and uncle at Our Worst. I will never understand why they all like it there so much. When my uncle called earlier in the day and I asked him if there was anywhere else we could go, he said, "How about Golden Corral?" Um, yeah, we'll just stick with the other place. At least they have pie.

Today - I've survived another day at work. I managed to get some cleaning and organizing done in my room this morning. Thank goodness I only have one more work day left this week.

My stomach is burning. I don't know why, but I really do not like the feeling. I've also been super duper itchy. Bad eczema. I have to watch out and make sure it doesn't blister, otherwise it might turn into shingles.

My nipples also feel like they might fall off, the left one especially. It's also the left one that is now sticky.

I can't seem to sleep for more than an hour at a time anymore. It's pretty frustrating given how friggin tired I am. But if it's not the pee waking me up, it's the shooting pain in my hips. I roll over, but the other side hurts just as bad. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage the rest of the pregnancy on this kind of sleep schedule.

I'm also having super anxiety about the what-ifs. I'm really afraid that Daven is going to come super early and that we aren't going to have anything prepared for him. If he were to come today, we wouldn't have a car seat to bring him home in, no diapers, wipies, bathtub, bottles, crib, nothing. It freaks me out. As of right now, I don't even have a shower date. And if I do have a shower, it's not going to be until the middle of Jan. How can we wait that long to get the essentials? But A and I just cannot afford to get it all ourselves either. I know it will all work itself out, but I can't turn the worry off.

Ok, I could probably ramble on for a long time, but I have to poo.

29 weeks

Butternut squash baby! Well, in weight anyway. Daven should be at least 2 and a half pounds by now. An interesting tidbit: my mom doesn't use pumpkin when she makes pumpkin pie. She uses butternut squash. Sound weird? Maybe. but if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know the difference. Ah, thank goodness Thanksgiving is only a week away. I'm already drooling.

So aside from the constant peeing or urge to pee, Daven has now been messing with my backdoor. There will be many times now throughout the day where I feel like I have to poop - NOW. Move out of the way, because I have to poo so bad it hurts. But then there isn't any #2 to be had. Huh? No, I'm not constipated. I still go every day. But I don't understand the false alarms here.

Oh! Oh! Oh!
(If things go well tonight, I might be showing her my O face. You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh! Oh!)

So I found out that I passed my 3 hour test! No gestational diabetes for me!

I honestly can't remember if I even wrote about the 3 hour experience. Well, it was terrible and every bit as miserable as I thought. Luckily, A loves me and his work is lenient so he was able to drive me there and back and stay with me. I managed not to puke (but just barely) and I didn't pass out!

I am so glad that I don't have to think twice before eating one of mom's homemade sugar cookies or A's mom's pies. And I will surely be having more than one helping of stuffing covered in gravy.

I'm finding it hard now to get out of my car. Which is an issue when I'm driving myself to and from work. I'm moving a lot slower, too. I just feel all hurty and crampy and such, and I'm not getting very good sleep at night. But all the books warn about this, and give you some bullshit about how it's just nature's way of preparing you to function without sleep once your little one arrives. What ev.

A and I are amazed at how shallow my belly button continues to get. Daven's doorbell is closing in!

Here are the weekly pics:







Just imagine how much bigger my stomach would look if my boobs didn't stick out as far!

::holds back tears::

I failed the 1-hour test. I have to go in tomorrow morning for the 3-hour one. I pray that I don't pass out or throw up. I can't help but be nervous and scared about it. Thank goodness A is going with me.

Had a meeting with my boss today. I am too exhausted to go into detail right now, but basically if I don't start doing some things more like he wants, I'm not going to have a job next year.

::giant sigh::

I just want to hide under the covers and never come out again.

Pregnant rampage in Target

A and I went to Target this afternoon for a bit. (I love Target) We got a fairly close parking place, which is hard to find. If my grandma would have been with us, she would have said "Thank you, Jesus." She always did whenever I was with her and we found somewhere close to park. God, I miss her.

We got inside the store, and I could already tell that my patience was going to be tested. There were people everywhere. Um guys, it's not black Friday yet, so give it a rest, please! I had a giftcard and wanted to get something new to wear, so we went back to the maternity section.

I was pissed. Why? Because even though every other section of the farking store had tons of new stuff in for the holidays, maternity didn't have shit. They had the same pants, the same stupid fucking brown leather ugly ass jacket, and some tank tops. I ranted out loud. A store employee pretended like she didn't hear me. I'm sure she did.

Oh, but they did have some short-ass maternity dresses. Yes, because it's not fucking November or anything! Target, if you think I'm getting my pregnant ass into some panty hose so that I can put on one of your ugly dresses, you are out of your mind!

One of the end caps on a wrack of clothes has this short-haired blonde bitch wearing some God-awful ruffly black dress, which was obviously stuffed with a pillow or some other form of fake baby. I cursed her and actually managed to get my leg up high enough to kick her. A said that she couldn't hear me. Too bad.

I did calm down a bit when I found a blue striped sweater with matching scarf that fit from the plus sized section. (yay) Of course it's not even cold enough out today to wear it. But trust me, I'm going to be wearing that thing every week!

I picked up a pack of underwear and A got a computer game. Checking out was surprisingly pleasant because they had so many lanes open. I have honestly never seen that many lanes open at once in a store before. Thumbs up for Target.

The Starbucks inside the Target, however, gets two thumbs down.

Since I was feeling thirsty and a bit dizzy, I wanted something cold. The angels sang out as I looked at their menu and saw that they had pumpkin spice frappuccinos. Hells yes! I couldn't wait to try! I love the hot version, so this kind must be awesome too!

I put in my order.

We're out of pumpkin spice.

I'm sorry, what?

Blank stare.

For fuck's sake! I ended up getting a caramel one, which was tasty and all, but how does SB run out of a spice? It's officially the holiday season - they are not allowed to run out of the holiday favorite!



Now, after waddling around a single store and shouting, I'm worn out. I need another nap. We're supposed to go to a birthday shindig tonight. I hope I'm not a party pooper.

I better get this out now

before my day turns to shit.

Yes, I know it's pessimistic to think like that, but after lunch, I have 3 straight classes of nothing but 7th and 8th graders. They torment me.

But today so far has been good! Even though I've got one raging headache, the Veteran's Day program went really well. My saxes nailed their duet (which was a train wreck yesterday), my snares didn't screw up their parts, and all the kids singing got through it without any major mess-ups. The older crowd that we drew seemed to really like the program, even though it ended up being almost an hour long once the powerpoint presentation was added to the mix.

Still, it feels good to get this behind me and not have to worry about it again until next school year.

I got through my 2 other morning classes, and while they were rowdier than normal, we did get some things accomplished. Plus, I have more patience with 1st graders talking out than 8th graders.

I have had a handful of people compliment me on the program, one person being my principal's mother! Can you believe that? And my principle did pat me on the back, so I guess that's man for good job?

One surprise was that my 3rd grade class came down and they had made this sign that said I was the best music teacher, and all of them had signed it. That was very sweet. So as much as the middle schoolers hate me (or act like they do) at least I have some reassurance that I'm doing something right!

Who has seriously ever eaten chinese cabbage?

Because that's how big Daven is supposed to be now. But I've never even thought about this produce before. I guess it's different than the cabbage that you see at Kroger. Or do they have it at Kroger and I've just never noticed?



This morning was my one hour glucose test plus appointment. Even though I could sleep in because my appointment wasn't until 8:40, I couldn't get back to sleep after A left. I just laid there. Don't get me wrong though, that was still better than being at work.

I decided that I was going to drink my orange Glucola through a straw and that hopefully that way I could bypass much of the flavor and get it down easier. Eh, not so much. I really struggled to get those 10oz down in 5 minutes. I cut it close. I tried to distract myself by having the tv going and texting a friend. I did manage to get it down and keep it down, but it wasn't very much fun.

I got to the doctors and got settled in. I haven't lost anymore weight but I haven't gained any either. So I think that puts me still down about 20 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Blood pressure was good, again pee was good. Daven's heartbeat is nice and strong, and my belly is measuring on target.

On to the lab now to get my blood taken. The nurse tries my left elbow crack, no vein. Right elbow crack, no vein. Thank goodness that she was skilled enough to be able to tell before sticking me that she wouldn't be able to get a good vein. So she ended up sticking my right hand. I think I'm ok at first and I make sure that she kept talking to me. But then it took longer than normal. I was dehydrated because of the mandatory fasting, so she could barely get enough blood. That's when I started to feel bad. I told her I was dizzy and she got me and orange (yes orange - I know, who has them in orange) washcloth. When that didn't seem to help a few minutes later she brought me a sprite. I was glad that she didn't just kick me out of the room before I felt like I could stand. But she did tell me that she hoped for my sake and hers that I didn't have to come back for the 3 hour test, because she didn't know how she would ever get enough blood from me. Yikes.

Hopefully I will know by tomorrow whether or not I passed. I'm doubtful, but you never know.

That stupid drink has made me feel funky for the rest of the day. I've been so super thirsty - I've already drank a liter of water since this morning. And there were points during the afternoon at work where I got dizzy.

Work sucks, two people there made me cry today, but whatever. Fuck it. I'm tired of crying.

So as I was sitting here, getting ready to write my blog entry, and keep in mind I have very bad posture, my right boob moved. What? Wait, it did it again! Daven kicked my stomach so hard that it made my boob move! How weird is that? He's certainly getting stronger!

I'm officially Gimpy McGimperson with an ace bandage around both wrists. The doctor said that the only thing you can really do for carpel tunnel while pregnant is keep your wrists as stable as possible. At least it should go away in my right wrist after Daven gets here.

Also, not much can be done about the back pain. She said there are stretches you can do, but those are hard to do with a growing belly. So I can put heat on it and... that's it!

Ok seriously, Daven, I just peed. Literally less than 5 minutes ago. I know that I don't really have to pee again. So please stop pressing down on mommy's bladder, ok? Kisses. Thanks!

How weird is it that I've gotten to the point in my pregnancy where I have to start seeing the doctor every 2 weeks now? Ahhhhhhhhh! We're getting close!

It wouldn't be a Thursday post without pics of the tum tum. 28 weeks today!

I think I can, I think I can

I'm really trying today. Extra hard. I'm trying to get to the point that when I leave work today, I'm not crying. Of course, today is faculty meeting day, so not guarantees.

One of my coworkers has a grandson who they believe has autism. She told me that she has been reading up on his conditions and all the recent studies they have been doing about it. She told me today that they think they have proven that women who are in extreme high stress are much more likely to have a child born with autism. Although this study pertained to women who had been through disasters while pregnant, it still stuck a chord with me. My worries are worrying Daven. And I don't want to do that.

I need to find a way to eliminate my constant anxiety and stress. Yes, the easy solution would be to just stop working! But then we would be in a financial crisis, and that wouldn't help! I wish it were just as easy as saying "I'm not going to let this bother me anymore" but I know it's not.

I need to remember to talk to the doctor tomorrow about this carpel tunnel stuff. It is killing both wrists to type right now. I don't know if anything can be done about it though. Oh yes, and I need to talk to her about my back pain. I need to make a list.

I really hope that tomorrow morning goes well. I have my one hour blood test for gestational diabetes. If I fail that, I have to come back in to do the 3 hour test. That's another day that I won't be at school for the full time. I am going to run out of sick days before Daven even gets here! I'm just really nervous. I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight tonight until after my test tomorrow morning. Then I have to drink that gross orange drink they give you. This worries me because I've been feeling icky in the mornings again, and I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it down. Then after I get there, of course I have to get blood taken. I really hope that I don't pass out, since I have to drive myself and also come straight to school after I'm finished.

Stop worrying!

I know, see what I mean? I can't control anything that happens tomorrow, so why am I getting a stomach ache over it now? This is what I'm talking about. This is what I've got to figure out how to change.

I don't have a title (shit, now I do!)

::chants:: I will not bitch, I will not bitch, I will not bitch...

So I fucking hate work right now...

Damnit! I have no willpower.

Seriously though, like I've said before, especially in my other blog, for the most part it's not the kids. (Except for the 8th graders, and most of them can rot in hell) It's my boss, and my coworkers, and the last-minute changes that I have no control over. It's the fact that my planning period isn't as important as another teacher's. It's the fact that these people don't seem to want to stop and think about what it must take to put a Christmas program together; they just bitch when an extra rehearsal puts a bump in their day.

F you guys. Seriously, I'm crying on the way home from work every day, I'm bringing my bad mood home to A; it's just not good.

Then there are things unrelated to work, like getting a bill in the mail yesterday from the hospital saying that I owe them almost $500 for a visit to the ER I made way back in June of 08. Keep in mind that I've already paid a little over $1,000 for that one visit, and it's been paid off for quite some time now. But no, this is for a lab that was ordered by Dr. Douchenstein, and the insurance won't pay it because they don't have proof that I didn't have a previous condition, blah, blah, blah. The lady I talked to at the hospital was actually pretty nice and she told me that I needed to talk to my insurance. Then my insurance said that I had to talk to the insurance I had before them.

Um, no, I was covered under you guys.

But you had been with us for less than a year.

It had been 11 months.

We still need verification that you had insurance prior.

Go fuck yourself.

So now mom's got to call up her insurance, get a something-or-other paper, then I have to call and fax it to my (now previous) insurance so that they can "re-evaluate" the claim. I swear, if I go through all this trouble and I still have to pay, I'm going to be pissed. The fact that I've already paid so much for that one visit and now all this time later they're sticking me with more if fucking ridiculous. I hope that A's plan doesn't try to do this shit when Daven comes. Because there's no way in hell we'd be able to afford bills like that!

::pulls on a Snuggie and sips a warm mug of hot cocoa::

*Disclaimer* I would never own, nor wear a snuggie. And while I enjoy a good cup of hot chocolate, I am not drinking any at this time. Damnit, I just made myself want hot chocolate.

I think Fed Ex somehow delivered a drum set to my ute today without me noticing. Because it's felt like Daven's been playing tom toms today. Not just one kick, but several at a time, like he's trying to find the steady beat. That's my boy! Although mommy would appreciate it if you would pick another instrument to play. Now now, if you really super want to play drums you can, but mommy wants to you learn at least one other instrument as well. Besides, drums aren't as cool in band class as you would think. It's actually pretty boring and mommy doesn't want you to get in trouble with the band director for goofing off because you don't have anything to do.

What? You want to play football? You better want to march in the band too, mister. And you know that your daddy wants you to play with computers.

But really, Daven, mommy and daddy are going to let you explore whatever you want. Yes, you will probably be subjected to piano lessons early on so that you can grow your musical background, but if you want to play a sport, we won't mind.

Keep growing, baby boy. Mommy needs to know that this constant pain isn't for nothing! We love you!

I would like to say that this post will not contain bitching and instead will be filled with puppies and rainbows about pregnancy and life in general.
Now, if you know me or have spent more than 5 seconds with me ever, then you should know that I in fact love puppies and pretty much everything furry. But guys, this is an expression, and for that sake, the puppies will have to take a sabbatical for the time being.

Let's start with Monday's shit list:

• My room was a wreck when I came in this morning.
• Someone stole the lotion from my desk.
• Contrary to popular belief, I cannot, in fact, get on the internet at school without immediately getting another virus.
• This means that I am still without internet at work.
• My electives class are still a bunch of shits.
• My principle has decided (without asking me first) that during our dress rehearsal for the Veteran's Day program on Thursday afternoon, none of the homeroom teachers need to come down with their classes. This means that I will have the following in the church at the same time by myself: 5th, 6th, 7th grades, all of church choir (3-8), my sign language electives, and my band and orchestra.
• I was not told when a teacher asked me to switch months with her for faculty meeting treats that she was the leader, thereby making me the leader responsible for getting the food together. I realized this today. Meeting is on Wednesday.
  
• My dog has decided that she will no longer pee in the grass. She must pee on the sidewalk.
• I was a bad puppy mama and spanked her butt for peeing there.
• I was a grump on the phone to A when he called.

I am really having a hard time making it through the day at school. I feel like I shouldn't have to be so stressed every day. It's not healthy, damnit! And I'm sure that plenty of other people in my situation would find a way to be not so stressed. But this is shit that would have bugged me before being pregnant. Now add in all those funky hormones and I'm a ticking time-bomb. Will I cry? Will I curse? No one can tell!

I feel so guilty for spanking Oreo. I really do. When you think about it, that's a stupid thing to get furious at your dog about. I mean, at least she was going outside, right? But it smells bad when she goes there and people walk there! I've given her plenty of high-pitched praise and pets since then, though. I hope she's not too mad at me.

A and I are going to try a new recipe tonight for honey dijon chicken. I hope it turns out well. I sounds good.

I need to get out of this funk. It's killing my stomach.

I'm bad at planning and preparing for baby

Still don't have a shower date.

No baby bedding purchased.

Don't have any of the furniture for the nursery.

Don't have the nursery (this one is not my fault)

I feel like we're so far behind on everything. Like Daven is going to get here and not even have a crib to sleep in. I know everything will get done, but I can't help but fret about it a bit.

Thank goodness it's the weekend. I slept in. I've already taken a nap. I haven't showered. I would like to get rid of this headache I've got. And it would be nice to be able to stand up without going "Oooh, ahhh" like an old person, but I'd settle for just the headache being gone.

My mother in law is making potato soup tonight and I'm looking forward to it. Although I forgot to tell her when I requested grilled cheese with it that I prefer mine with cheddar. I guess I'll settle for american. Not the end of the world.

::yawn:: I need another nap.

Pretty much nothing but bitching

What started out as a perfectly ok day took a sour turn after lunch when I had my middle school kids. One girl gets pissed and doesn't understand why I won't let her use my whole roll of tape so that she can put it on her face. Yes, this same girl, who I had for two back-to-back classes today went to the office in between them and told the secretary that I needed a roll of tape. By the time I realized that she had done this, she was sitting in my room with half of her leg taped up. WTF. Then after I took that tape away, she took the tape off herself she balled it up and they class started hitting it around the room.

Not so funny when you're the teacher and no one gives a shit that you exist.

I have another kid, a 7th grader, who is in my sign language elective. He doesn't have a binder, hasn't done any of his homework, has failed a quiz, and will not participate. When we are going over signs, he interrupts by asking how to sign the most outlandish things. I have tried to explain to them that I am not an expert at this, and there are many things that they are going to have to look up on their own if they wish to know it. Then when I ask them how to spell a sign (of which we have already gone over before and the directions of how to sign it with a picture are in a packet that I gave them) he just makes up something and then argues with me that this is how it should be signed. Mother fucker. Seriously?

The sad thing is, apparently he's recently been tested and they have said he has severe ADHD. But mom has said that she will not consider any medication of any kind, and that we are not allowed to put him on the accommodations list. All of the teachers who have him are supposed to meet with his mother next week, although I don't know what they hell we are supposed to do with him. It's pretty frustrating. Plus, all of that info was "off the record" from out counselor, so I'm not even supposed to know any of it.

I don't even know where I was going with that. I drove the whole way home in tears because the 8th grade is so terrible. They literally will not listen to a word that I say. They refuse to get quiet. They only thing that will even momentarily shut them up is if I yell at the top of my lungs. But seeing as it still hurts my back to even breath normally, I was not going to yell. I've tried reading up on discipline - I've read a book and a half this past week alone. I've tried to be positive with them. I told them today how bright of a group of kids they are and that they shouldn't sell themselves short. But even when I was complementing them, only a few were actually listening. So I gave up. I gave them their packets about this week's world cultures music and I said it's due at the end of class. Then I sat at my desk and fought back tears. I had three kids come up to me to clarify directions on what they were supposed to do.

I hate that class. I really do. Not every kid, but that class as a group, I hate them. And I'm giving up. I'm not wasting my time trying to connect with them anymore. I'm at a loss of what to do. There's no help from the principal. And every other special areas teacher has similar issues with them, so I know it's not just me. Fuck it. Let my maternity leave sub deal with them and tell the principal what a bunch of shits they are.


So what about the pregnancy? This is a blog about being pregnant, right?

Well, I woke up this morning and good ole nausea was back. Luckily I did not throw up. It went away for a while and showed back up just in time for me to not eat lunch. Also, I'm starting to think that this back/hip pain is here to stay. I'm honestly not seeing it getting any better before Daven makes his debut. Of course when I tell people that my back is bothering me, they don't seem to think that it's any big deal. But I feel like I'm almost crippled the way the pain is affecting me. I'm not a fan. It hurts in a way that is hard to describe. I'm going to ask my doctor about it next week, although I'm sure she's just going to say that this is something I have to deal with and that there's not anything I can do to make it better.

So, not only is my carpel tunnel acting up in my left wrist, but I think I'm developing it in my right wrist now. I had kind of worried about this and wondered if it was going to happen to me, since it's so common to get while you're pregnant. I guess I got my answer. It's not unbearable yet though. Just hurts when I try to grip things.

Also, my belly button really hurts. Thought you should know.

Well, I guess that's all this Negative Nancy has to say for right now. I still love you, baby boy. Don't worry. Mommy just had a rough day.

3rd trimester!

Yesterday was my first official day in 3rd tri! That's pretty scary, considering that I'm beginning the last part of this pregnancy. February will be here before we know it. (or are ready!) As of now, my baby is as hefty as a cauliflower.

I haven't been able to update my blog quite a bit as I've wanted to, mostly because I have been without internet at work. We have this virus going around through the network and every time I plug in, I get re-infected. I know, it's sad that I did most of my blogging at work. I know that I shouldn't do that. But it did help get me through some pretty tough days. Well, obviously, since so many of my posts are nothing but ranting!

So what's been happening this week? My back has been bothering me something awful. At times it even hurts to breath. Because of the Veteran's Day program being next week and the fact that I've already had to start Christmas music with the kids, my eczema is back in full force. I'm really trying hard not to start scratching my eyes though, because that is the worst!

My button and my belly have also been pretty itchy lately. But I guess that's to be expected.

A and I were supposed to go to a concert last night, but we ended up staying home because of my back. I felt so bad and guilty. I wanted to go, and I know A had been looking forward to going for quite some time now. He tried to find someone to go with him, but people were either busy or it wasn't there cup of tea. A was really sweet about it, even though I still couldn't help but be upset about the whole thing.

I know I'm normally more long-winded than this, but I'm super tired and it's really hurting my back sitting here at the computer. I'll leave you with the (more than usual) weekly pics. 27 weeks today!







Mommy loves you, baby Daven. And so does daddy. We can't wait to meet you! Just do us a favor though, and don't come out yet, because you're not done!

Halloween pics!

A dressed up as the late Billy Mays and I went as a pregnant nun. A had known what he was going to dress up as for a while, but for whatever reason I didn't decide until really late that I was even going to dress up at all! Luckily I was able to find everything I needed for my costume for pretty cheap.

Here we are getting ready to leave the house:



We went over to Shelby's party first. She had it at her friend's house, and they were all nice there. I fell in love with the buffalo chicken dip that they had. Shit, I even looked up how to make it and got the ingredients at the store yesterday! Seriously though, it was delicious. We hung out, chatted, ate, and watched scary movies. I watched everyone slowly get trashed. I'm sure they were even more fun after we left!

I told A that his fake beard wasn't going to last very long!

Me and Shelbs

My damn habit thingy-ma-bobber wouldn't stay on right all night! Crooked piece of shit!

We left Shelby's party to go over to JP's house. It was pretty uneventful there. I don't have any pics, because honestly I fell asleep on his love seat. Oops. I couldn't help it though! When the damn thing doesn't even start until after 11, what do you expect? I'm not keeping my college days hours any longer. My ass was tired!

Somewhere along the line I misplaced my habit. A's weird beard is still floating around my purse somewhere. I was a fun Halloween and I'm glad that I ended up dressing up and getting out.

Welcome to shit town

Yes, I know I haven't posted anything about Halloween yet. Silly me relied on other people to take most of the pics, so I'm waiting on those to get put up on fb before I do my post about that. Still haven't decided if it will be on this blog or the other one. Guess you'll just have to check to find out!

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and the ride just fucking crashed. I am out of control. I cry at everything. I don't know how A puts up with it. He will say one small insignificant thing and I will start bawling my eyes out. I cry at sad things on tv. I cry at happy things on tv. I cry when there's a commercial on tv that I don't like. I need Prozac. Or tequila. Both? Don't fret though, guys. I'm not gunna. I love my baby Daven too much.

I am so frecking tired I can barely think straight to do a proper rant. Lets just say that today was a typical Monday, and I have been reassured that the other teachers in my school do not view my classes as equal in importance to theirs. I give them all a big middle finger. Two of them. Wish I had more to give.

This back ache bull shit has got to stop. It hurts so bad I cry in public. It hurts so bad that A has to help me step in and out of the shower. I can't bend down all the way. Every time I stand up, I'm afraid I might not be able to stay standing.

"It's only going to get worse, honey."

Bite my fucking ass, coworker. You were pregnant 20 years ago, so don't pretend like I'm just making this pain up. My principal gives me the side eye when he sees me sitting down in the classroom. ::middle finger::

I really wish that there was something I could do to make this pain stop. Tylenol doesn't do shit. Heat helps it for as long as I'm heated, but even then, I can't heat everywhere that hurts at the same time. And it's definitely a struggle trying to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee.

And yes, I would like some cheese to go with the whine.

I'm supposed to meet A and his parents in an hour for dinner. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I'm struggling sitting at the computer right now. If I could manage getting in the shower myself, I would have already gone ahead and taken one so I could put my pjs on. I just don't see them eating somewhere that is good enough for me to want to leave the house again. I'm fighting back tears right now for no reason. And A's dad doesn't really handle me being emotional very well. He just makes fun of me and reminds us that we were the ones that decided to get pregnant.

My grandpa, love him, says that I am in a "delicate state". At least that's what he said when I called my uncle out on his bullshit towards my aunt last night. I get the visual that this means I'm like a wilting flower or something. Who knows. I'm definitely a time bomb for tears and cursing rants, though. That's for sure.

Fuck the Veteran's Day program next week.

Fuck the Christmas program.

I am so done being stressed about work. And I am done having to take it home with me every night. I am just done. I don't get paid enough for this.

Oh, and my left nipple has started to leak slightly. Enough to make my boobie sticky. Now this, I am certain, will get worse. ::sarcastic thumbs up::

F it in the A, y'all. F it in the A.