I'm pregnant!!

Holy f***ing shit! What? I'm pregnant! And of course A isn't home right now, and I'm supposed to go out with my friend tonight, and I don't know when I'm going to be able to tell him. Aaaaahhhhhh!

When I took my temp this morning, it jumped up to 98.5. This is five tenths higher than yesterday! While I was on my forum website today, some of the girls noticed my high temp and asked when I was going to test again. I told them that I was going to wait until tomorrow morning and only if my temp was still high. But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't wait to test again. So I went to Walgreens after work and testing when I got home. I got a +!!! I couldn't believe it! A little while later, I tested on a digital and it said "pregnant"!

I thought for sure that I was out of the game this cycle. I thought that everything I have been stressing over was just the phantom symptom crap. But it isn't! I just hope that this sticks!

This is killing me not being able to tell anyone. I've already got the two tests in a present bag next to A's pillow. I just hope that friends don't stay over too long because I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep this in! I'm bursting at the seams!!

I mean, really now!

Is AF here? No! Do I have a positive test result? No! But my temp went back up from 97.4 yesterday to 98.0 today. WTH? I just want an answer one way or another. Will my period start Saturday? Or will it start tomorrow? Will my temp still be up tomorrow morning? Or will it go back down? Argh, the uncertainty!

I was feeling like absolute crap earlier. And it came out of nowhere too! It was after lunch (I had Kroger sushi) and I had my 5th grade art class. All of a sudden, I got dizzy, my skin felt all funny, I broke out into hives, my face got red and I felt like I was going to throw up. Thank goodness I made it through that class. Then luck was on my side. Because of the athletic awards, I was able to go home at 1:30 instead of having to stay and teach until 3.

I got home, relaxed, took a nap, and I feel better now. A and I went for Mexican. I skipped band rehearsal. I'm just sitting here, wondering what will happen tomorrow!

Ahhh, now for some Law and Order.

taps foot impatiently

Come on now, this is getting ridiculous. If I'm going to get my period, lets come on now and move on to the next cycle. I really expected it to start today, one because it was field day, I was outside all day and that would have made it miserable for me. Two because my temp went down to the coverline this morning. Two temp drops in a row! But for whatever reason, FF doesn't think that I will be seeing Aunt Flow until Saturday.

Another thing that is confusing: Yesterday my CM was heavy, brown, and creamy. I spotted once. But today - nothing. Just regular sticky CM. What gives? Every day I think to myself, tomorrow's temp will help me figure out what's going on. Nope!

So how's the phantom doing? Well, boobs still hurt, but they don't hurt as bad as the were a couple days ago. I managed to wear my hair in a ponytail today, although it is starting to bother me now. But yesterday I couldn't even put my hair up for half an hour! Of course, I didn't really have much of a choice either since I was outside all day today and it was really really super hot. My stomach hasn't bothered me yet, but this has usually been happening after dinner time through bed time. My face is still pretty broken out. All of this could be attributed to PMS or my body still changing from lack of BCPs.

::sighs:: Too bad fortune tellers aren't reliable!

Whine whine whine

I am 90% certain that AF will be here tomorrow. The cramps are still going strong, and my CM is brown. I only spotted once earlier today, but other than that, nothing. My temp went down considerably this morning, but it's still above the coverline. It will probably go down some more tomorrow. ::sad face::

Yesterday I was feeling awful! Cramps, stomach ache, and a little dizzy. I'm beginning to wonder if I would still be feeling this bad if we weren't trying. If it's my mind making up these symptoms. Or it could possible be that my body is still hating me for going of the pill.

Have I mentioned that my face has broken out into an awful mess? It's quite embarrassing!

Ugh, ok right at this moment I am having awful stomach cramps from out of nowhere. I think I'll put the computer down for a while now.

Already creating a wish list

I found this really cute diaper bag on diaperswonderland.com. It's chocolate and blue and $50. I haven't really looked into any of this yet, so I don't know price-wise how expensive or cheap it is. But I figured that it would work for either a boy or girl. I know this sounds like I'm looking way far ahead, but since no one reads this right now anyhow, this is more for me to look back on later and keep all my thoughts recorded. I knew if I didn't do this now, later on down the road I'll think to myself, where was it that I saw that really cute bag? So here it is. I'm typing kind of fast because my friend is coming over and she definitely doesn't know that we are TTC. And I don't really feel like explaining to her why we are.

Early morning let down

I knew it was too early to test. I knew I would get a "not pregnant" on the digital screen I just paid too much money for. I knew I would be disappointed. But I tested anyway. Right there on the front of the box it says you can test up to 5 days before your missed period. But I wouldn't start until next Saturday, so oops on my part. A was so anxious, and he joked that if I didn't test he was going to hold the pee stick himself and press on my bladder. Nice. Although now that I think about it, I really don't think he would have. But I still didn't want to say no because he's been so supportive through this process so far. So now here I sit, at 6:something in the morning, shaky and upset.

I did have a good sign in all of this when I woke up. My temp was 98.0, and it hasn't been that high my whole cycle! I guess after I saw this, I thought maybe it's not too early after all. Heck, as I look through old forum posts from my favorite site, I see that another girl got a + on 9 DPO!! Since I just got my - at 10 DPO, this makes me sad. I know that everyone is different, that the time it takes a fertilized egg to implant is different, and that even after that you've got to give it a few days to build up enough hormones for the pee stick to read. So if implantation is supposed to occur 6-10 days after ovulation, and I was on the long end of that, it could still be too early. I hate over thinking like this!

Anyhow, I'm going to indulge myself now by looking into what my body is doing way too much. Yesterday I had dull cramps, on and off. Weren't really bad at all. If there is any way that my boobs could feel worse, they do. I wore I sports bra over top of my regular bra yesterday to try to keep them from moving around too much. I was also pretty gassy, starting right before dinner. That was embarrassing, considering that we had dinner at the in-laws.

I've also noticed that my scalp hurts. I haven't read anywhere about this being a symptom, but it's out of the ordinary, so I thought I would list it. It physically hurts to put my hair into a ponytail. And taking the hair bands back out of my hair - pure torture. I've always had a bit of a sensitive scalp, but that's only if someone is tightly braiding my hair or pulling out tangles. Not putting my hair in a ponytail!

Also my skin kind of hurts, like I'm bruised all over. But I'm not. It's almost like that feeling you get when you're sick, except without the creepy crawly bit. If anything bumps my legs, it hurts like bumping a bruise does. Add this with the scalp and boobs, and I'm just a sensitive mess! Like I said, I don't know what any of this has to do with anything, but I'm writing about it anyway.

On a good note, I finally got my coke icee last night. Yum! Had to go to a Thortons to get it, but that's still closer than the mall. I'm glad that I found somewhere that makes them. I would have taken a picture of it if I had had my phone with me at the time. It was delightful!

::yawns:: Ok, I think that maybe now I'm ready to go back to bed. I've wound down a bit. Not even really sure if the post makes sense though! I wonder what A will say when I tell him the test results?

Why couldn't I just sleep in?

Well, I guess I technically slept in a bit. But I was still taking the dog out and making coffee before 8 am! Self - it's a Saturday and I would have liked to sleep longer. Why?! I'm sure by noon I'll be zonked and need a nap.

So my alarm went off at 6 am just like it does every morning for me to temp, but this time it woke A up. Well, sort of woke him up. As the alarm went off and I was reaching for my thermometer, A shouted, "Why the hell are you getting up?!" "I'm taking my temperature, hunny." No response. He was already out again.

My temp was up again today - 97.9, and I'm 9 DPO. Can I hold out until 12 DPO to test? FF estimates AF's arrival a week from now, on the 30th if things, well, don't happen. I'm trying to keep myself from testing for as long as possible, because it really is quite heartbreaking seeing a negative test. Plus, the reliable tests aren't cheap!

I remember when A and I thought we were pregnant a while back, while I was still on BCP. I had a totally wacky cycle and was feeling terrible. Even though we weren't trying, it was still so disappointing to get that negative. Now we are actively trying, and that makes it even harder.

Well, my boobs and nipples still hurt just as much as ever, and I have dull cramps too. Magic 8 ball - what does this mean? Am I pregnant?

Confusing cramps

I woke up this morning with pretty bad cramps. They stayed strong through some of the morning, and then got better. They were pretty dull throughout the rest of the school day, but now that I am sitting here at home, here they come again. It makes me kind of sad, because I feel like this is a preview of what is to come next weekend. This is only my second cycle off birth control pills and I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up. It takes so many women so long to conceive, and I'm sure they thought that they would get pregnant right off the bat too. At the same time though, every day my temp is above the cover line, I can't help but wonder.

My breasts still hurt so bad! It even hurts for the water in the shower to hit them. And now they are pooching out of my bra. Damn boobs!

Is it strange that I am already excited about temping in the morning?

I still haven't gotten that coke icee yet...

I don't know why, but

more than anything, I want a coke icee. A large, cold, plastic cup and straw with frozen coke icee delight inside. The sad thing is, I think the only place I can get one of these is at the mall a 20 minute drive away. ::insert sad face here:: I haven't had one of these in years, and I want one! I'm not even going to pass this off as a craving. Just a "work sucks, give me a treat for going" kind of thing.

Cycle #2, 7 DPO

My temp went up again this morning! Woo hoo! That's a good sign. I'm really trying not to be too hopeful, but it's hard not to. A keeps asking me when I am going to test, but I'm holding out because I really don't want to see a negative. A lot of girls I talk to say that they test at 12 DPO, so I should at least wait until then. Taking Charge of Your Fertility says that after 18 DPO, if your temp hasn't dropped, you are more than likely pregnant! I'm hoping that my temp continues to go up and that all signs are good.

So I am probably experiencing what a lot of the more experienced TTCers would call phantom symptoms. I know that I want to be pregnant and that A and I are actively doing what we can to make that happen. Since I think about it constantly, it's no wonder that I would feel symptoms of pregnancy, whether I am or not. My big one right now is sore boobs and nipples. I mean they hurt! All week I've been complaining about it, wincing at anything that accidentally brushes up against them, and putting my heated bed buddy on them at night. I guess time will tell whether this is real or phantom. The other is my need to fall asleep all of the time. I don't know that I can really count this, though, since work always leaves me exhausted. Who's to tell if the fatigue is because of the end of the school year or for other reasons. ::yawn::



The phantom of the cycle is there, inside my mind.

Anybody? Anybody?

I never thought I would feel this way so soon

When A and I got married last June, we had a very definite plan: spend 5 years being happily married, then have a baby. Why would we want a baby right away? Who would know that less than a year later, we would be taking a train to baby town? With less than a month before our 1 year anniversary, having a baby is something that A and I want more than anything.

I struggled for a while with what to title the blog. I have one already, but I wanted to keep my general blog and my trying to conceive thoughts separate. So here is where the inspiration for the title came from. It's silly, I know, but I am a silly person so it fits.