The great panty disaster

My regular underwear doesn't fit anymore. Not that I had that many good pairs of underwear to begin with (aren't I sexy?!) but I had to go on the search for more underwear.

I have a 4-pack of maternity underwear from Motherhood Maternity. They fit well, although they have these giant annoying tags on the left side that itch and stick out. Plus, this underwear wasn't cheap. At all. It wasn't even really reasonable. Ok, maybe for the ladies who buy the fancy panties at Victoria's Secret it would be, but not for me.

So the last time I was in Target, I thought I would try something different. Instead of spending the big bucks on the special underwear, I would just get regular underwear, but in a bigger size. This way, I could get twice as many pairs as the other ones! I got one pack of regular cotton panties and one pack of boy shorts. This is what I ended up with:


Not kidding! Down to the color and everything! These bad boys can go all the way up to my belly button without even trying! And talk about ugly! Good thing I'm already pregnant, because I don't think I'll be getting any while wearing these enormous bloomers! I'm wearing my maternity skirt today, you know the kind with the high, stretchy waistbands of comfort. Well, my underwear goes up to the top of that! But if I bunch it back down to where it should be, then it looks funny outside of my dress clothes.

What about the boy shorts, you may ask. I actually tried those first, earlier this week. Your answer: my ass eats them. Yep, my ass has them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was constantly having to catch myself from picking wedgies in front of my students. This is what it felt like:

Yes, it felt like someone with questionable gender was pulling my undies up my ass and force-feeding it.

So the lesson of the day: don't be a cheap ass. Buy the stupid maternity underwear. That is, unless you never want to be comfortable or ever get laid again.

TGIF!

Thank baby Jeebus that it is Friday afternoon. It has been such a long, trying week. Hopefully I don't feel like crap this weekend so I can actually go out and do something fun. It seems that lately I've felt just as sick on the weekends as I do at work during the week. Not fun!

I figured I would post this since it's about time I posted a pic. I took this today in our crappy faculty bathroom. This is me at 17 weeks 1 day.

Who eats turnips?

The baby is the size of a turnip today. A turnip? Who eats turnips? How was this even a vegetable to think of when coming up with comparisons? I've never eaten a turnip before in my life. Although it kind of looks like a while potato. At least there's no question here about size issues - this is clearly larger than an avocado.

Things have continued down the shit train here. I'm overly emotional, crying all the time, and still can't eat. Last night I couldn't even sleep. And once I got to sleep, I had this nightmare that I was dying. For some reason, I had to have this physical test done by this one-clawed demon in brown to see whether or not I was a good person. I kept putting off the last step of the test and trying to get away because if it found that you were bad, you died. And one of my arms had already been cut off by this demon thing. Then I got away, but they said if you did that, you would be stung to death by these giant flying things. I just kept wondering the whole time what I had done that was so wrong that I had to die. How can you wake up refreshed after that?

I think I may have to get fake rings to wear if it doesn't cool down soon and my fingers continue to swell. I can't get my rings off my fingers right now. Some people get fake rings, or just cheap little rings in a bigger size so that it doesn't look like they are an unwed mother. And Lord knows that people would judge me, working in a Catholic school. I don't want to take mine off, but I also wouldn't want to have them cut off my finger because of swelling either.

I have no motivation for anything. I can't plan on my planning period. I am afraid if I go home after my last class, I won't be able to force myself to come back for open house tonight. I don't care about making my class look nice or having that stupid handout for the parents like my boss wanted, or making sure that stuff is decorated in the hall. I don't want to talk to parents like I care because I don't.

Only 3 more weeks and I'm officially halfway through this pregnancy. Doesn't that mean I should be able to find just a tiny bit of relief? Please? I don't want to feel sick, sad and tired anymore. I want to be able to do my job. I want to be able to smile at my husband and not always be such a downer. Why can't I just be happy?

A silly prediction

There are all kinds of silly old wives tale quizzes online that you can take to try to predict whether you are having a boy or a girl. This particular one says that I am having a girl, 83%. We'll hopefully find out in a few more weeks whether it's right or wrong. I have a feeling that it is going to be a girl, although I would be thrilled if it's a boy, too. But I guess whatever mommy intuition I have tells me that it's going to be a girl.

I really wish that A was coming straight home tonight. He's going to mod a friend's xbox, and that always takes longer than he plans. It's hard enough with me being so emotional that we are apart all day at work. But I'm not sure what time he will be home tonight. Then tomorrow night I have open house, and Friday night he has to work at the fair. Then this weekend I'm sure he'll go play golf, which is fine, except I'll be home all alone. I wish I wasn't such a wreck. I cried this morning when I left the house because I didn't want to leave him.

I suck though, because even when we are at home with each other, I can't hold my eyes open long enough to spend any time with him. I think I was out on the couch by like 7:30 last night. And I was still exhausted this morning!

So I have a girl's date for this Friday while A is working late. But I just realized something that is going to dampen my plans - I don't get paid until this Tuesday. I can't afford to go out for sushi Friday. This depresses me. I feel like we never have enough money. The paychecks are gone before I know it. And I hate bumming from friends. I don't know what we are going to do. This makes me sad. All I've wanted all week long is some good sushi!

Ok, I can't stand sitting here and listening to piano lessons any longer. I'm going to have to get out of here. Maybe one of these days I'll write an all the way happy, upbeat blog entry. You can hope, anyway.

I'm just a mess

Am I really going to be one of those people who is sick their entire pregnancy? Seriously, guys. This has got to stop. I cannot handle working here at this place when I can't get even one day where I actually feel good. I can't make it a week without throwing up, and when I manage to keep things down, I still feel the need to barf. I hurt all over, can't get over being tired, and just feel like an emotional wreck right now.

I don't have the patience for this job any more. I don't look forward to coming into work. I'm not happy once I get here. The only thing that keeps me going is counting down the minutes until the end of the day. But that only helps for so long, because then I'm dreading the next day. I think about when the baby is born, and how I wish that I could stay home and not have to come back to work. Lord knows it will take half my salary to put the baby in daycare, but we just have too many bills.

I'm worried about how things will change once the baby is born. We will have to eat at home a lot more, but how will we do that when A and I don't like to cook? What happens when he wants to buy his video games, computer stuff, and other gadgets but we don't have the money because we are spending it all on diapers. Will he resent me?

I just want to curl up in a hole somewhere. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day without crying in front of my students. I need A. I wish he was here right now. I miss my grandmas. I hate the fact that they are never going to see their first great grandbaby. Never get to hold him/her. I'll never have that bond. I feel like I didn't get enough of a chance to get to know them myself like I wanted. Grandpa W has his new wife, but that's not the same. She doesn't cook homemade bread and play with my hair. She's too proper to really seem like she cares. And my other grandpa is so lonely. And I can't even talk about it with him because it upsets me so much that she's gone.

I need to compose myself before my next class comes in. God, today is hard.

I hate my computer

I just wrote a bunch. And my computer messed up and I lost it. This makes me very angry. I don't remember everything I wrote! Damn! And I have a class in 15 minutes and don't have time to sit here and think about it!

Well, the baby is an avocado now. Seems to be the same size or smaller than an apple, but I'll take it.

I've been sick with something, although not sure what. I had a really sore throat yesterday. A has it today. Now I'm just really congested and stopped up. I've been sneezing and blowing my nose like crazy. At least it's Friday. I just want to make it through the work day.

Seriously though, I am still made about losing everything I wrote. I thought you were supposed to autosave, blogger! Grr.

So I found this really neat quote. Thought I'd share it:

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."
- Unknown Author

A and I are definitely looking forward to meeting our little one!

Time for class. Can you see my happy face? I didn't think so.

::yawns::

Good golly, Molly I am tired! I've got about 15 more minutes until my next class comes in. I have two more classes to get through today.

Couldn't sleep well last night. Took me forever to get to sleep because of a terrible tummy ache. It was probably caused by taking my prenatal vitamins too late at night and then eating pickles afterwards. Yuck.

Still can't get over being tired and sore from the concert. Oh, and I still can't get over the fact that I got to meet some of the band! (I promise, there will be a blog entry to come about that)

My sister-in-law should just about be moved in to her dorm up at Ball State. I hope she can make the transition well.

My back is killing me.

I love fruit roll-ups.

I want sushi.

Did I mention I'm beyond tired?

A sigh of content

Coheed and Cambria - I love you.

A - I love you more because you introduced me to their music and you are my best friend, soul mate, and baby daddy.

I'll eventually be posting details of last night's concert on my other blog.

I am utterly exhausted. Thank goodness the MIL is taking care of dinner tonight! Now if I could just get through the work day...

Coheed and Cambria concert tonight!

I am so super pumped about the show tonight. A and I have been impatiently waiting ever since we found out earlier this summer that they were going to be headlining in Louisville. We are going with my sister-in-law and my BFF. They are just now getting into the music, and I hope they enjoy it. I think it should be a lot of fun. Although if I get hit by any crowd surfers, shit is going to hit the fan. I hate people that do that. How can you really enjoy the music and the artists when you have strangers grabbing all over your junk? I like to sing along and watch the band, not act like a monkey with a disease.

Over the weekend, L and I made shirts for the concert. Mine has their keywork on the belly and says "Baby's first concert". I'll try to take lots of pictures tonight and post them. Hopefully we'll get some good shots of the band too.

So how big is the baby that's going to its first concert tonight? An apple!
Hopefully baby Cambria/Davin/Daven likes the music. I also hope that I don't have to constantly go back and forth from the bathroom. If I have to miss even a few minutes of their set because of my stupid bladder, I'm going to be so mad!

Also, stomach, please stay settled tonight. It was not cool how you made me hurl this morning in the yard. I do not want a repeat performance of that ever, and especially not tonight. K? Thanks!

I think it's been a bit since I've posted. I had my second appointment on Thursday. I had to see another doctor because mine had to go deliver a baby. I heard the heartbeat again, although he did it so fast, I could barely even process it. He said everything is looking good. We are due for our ultrasound in a exactly a month on Sept. 17. Hope the baby is cooperative and we get to find out whether it's a boy or girl!

Let's hope I'm over being sick

because school starts tomorrow. Eek! I am really not ready to start work again. And my stomach is still playing tricks on me. I really hope that I don't have to throw up at school any. Yuck.

I tried on some of my clothes to see what fit. Counting the maternity skirt I got a couple days ago, I have 7 skirts that fit me as of now. I don't think I have that many tops though! I need to get more longer tops. And I don't even want to think about what's going to happen when I need to be in pants! They are going to be expensive because I know that none of mine are going to fit. I guess I'm just going to wear pants as long as I can.

I am super hot sitting here in my classroom, but since I'm getting ready to leave, I would feel bad turning on the air now. I'm going to turn it on first thing in the morning though. The kids will freeze probably. I don't really care.

I have been more productive today than I have been in a long time. The first thing I had to do this morning was clear the pantry of all food items because we have ants! They are somehow coming in through the wall our sliding glass door is on and making their way into the pantry. Talk about disgusting! It took me forever to clear everything out. And here's the really awful part - some of the ants got on me when I was moving stuff! I had that creepy crawly feeling until I took a shower. Then I had to go to Walgreens and get some ant traps. I really hope they work. I just don't understand why they would choose now to come into the house when we've never had a problem before. It pisses me off.

I already have dinner ready! I made chili this morning and put it in the crock pot. Now all I have to do tonight is cook some spaghetti noodles to put in mine. I think I've only cooked like 3 times this whole summer, so that is really saying something that I cooked!

I also did the dishes and did 2 loads of laundry. The thing that sucks is that there are two baskets full of clothes to fold. I hope A decides to help me. Laundry just sucks. It's not the putting it in the washer; it's taking them out, hanging stuff up, taking some out of the dryer, having all those clothes to fold AND put away. I don't think I'm even going to be able to reach into the washer much longer. It hurts my belly and my back. I might have to be the designated folder. Hopefully A will be on board with that. I mean, after all, it's his kid growing in my belly!

I finally made it to school today to try to get things more situated for tomorrow. I only have vague plans, but that's normally how it goes for the first meetings. I just hope I can make it all the way through the day. I am so exhausted now. These kids are really going to wear on me. I hope I don't have to tell them right away that I am pregnant. But I know how it will go: one kid who's mom is a teacher will know that I am and will spread it around and then I'll have to explain it to everyone. Woo hoo. I mean, I know it's going to come up eventually, but since right now I still just look fat, I don't want to explain right away!

I am so glad that dinner is already pretty much done because I am so frigging tired! If only I knew a whole bunch of crock pot meals that I could throw together easily! But even then, it's going to be hard enough getting up at 6 am and fighting with A to use the bathroom. Only one of us will be able to sleep in until 6:30, and it aint going to be me! I think I'm going to want to shoot myself in the morning, seriously. I am not a morning person!

It's about time to head home. I feel too tired to even drive to tell you the truth! I guess this is a feeling I'm going to have to get used to!

Here's hoping that tomorrow doesn't suck!

We have a lemon baby!

The only reason I like Thursdays is because that means I've gotten to a new week. We're 14 weeks today, and the baby is the size of a lemon!

I've been dragging today, with the headache, tummy ache, back ache, drowsiness thing that's going on. Oh, and I'm really craving chicken and dumplings. I just don't know if it's something that I could actually pull off if I tried to make it myself. And I don't think mom will make it just because. Too bad there isn't anywhere that has decent dumplings. I mean, Cracker Barrel has them, but they're not the same. But even if I did want to try to make it, I haven't been able to get up off my butt to get a shower to even go to the grocery store. My stomach is growling, but when I try to eat, I feel like I might barf. Yay!

Tomorrow I have a long day with teacher inservice. Not looking forward to it.

So I have this thing that is nicknamed "lightning crotch". Oh yeah, it's round ligament pain and I've been having sudden, sharp pains to my hoo hoo. You've gotta love what people like to call it. Yup, I've got the lightning crotch. Wouldn't it be terrible if something like that was contagious?


Oh, have I mentioned that I have an eczema rash on my nipples? Oh yeah. The more I scratch, the worse it itches and the worse it gets. I've really got to try not to scratch though, because if anything, it just looks weird. Can't imagine what my kids at school would say if they caught my scratching my bewbies!

A new perspective

I have spent my whole summer on this forum for girls thinking about getting pregnant, trying, are, and have had babies. The ladies on there are so nice. Even though I don't know any of them in real life, it was nice to have people to talk to while we were trying but not telling anyone. I look forward to seeing people's progress, new baby pictures, etc.

If you happen to read my blog, then you know that I have been pretty negative lately. Wah, poor me. I know, I know, but I have to get it out somewhere! Well, this makes me feel bad about my funk, and puts it into perspective:

One of the ladies on the board was having a difficult, high-risk pregnancy. I believe that she previously had a miscarriage. She kept spotting, taking trips to the ER, and having to constantly worry. We were so excited when she went in for her big ultra sound, and couldn't wait to hear whether she was having a boy or a girl. I kept looking for updates, and days and days went by without hearing from her. I didn't think too much of it until today when she allowed one of the girls to post an update from her. She lost her baby at 22 weeks 3 days. Apparently there were complications that could not be fixed - it was either save her life or loose both her and the baby. She gave birth to her baby girl, and her baby lived for a hour, dying in her father's arms. When I read this, and even now as I type it brings me to tears. A baby isn't considered viable until 24 weeks, and the little one didn't have a chance. As soon as she got released from the hospital, they had to attend their own baby daughter's funeral.

I've been sick, hurt, and maybe even a little depressed. But I have a healthy baby growing and I should be happy about that. I need to stop worrying so much and enjoy the fact that we are having a baby. I am just so sorry for her loss.

Another Saturday night

It's a pretty mellow evening here. Just sitting in front of the tv - there's nothing on. I think theyve had a Burn Notice marathon on since like 8 this morning on USA. Far from my favorite show, but I guess it'll have to do.

A is almost finished painting the bathroom. We'll get the toilet and vanity installed Monday, thank God. I am more than done with our toilet troubles, and wish to say good bye to the bath bathroom forever. But A has done a really good job with the painting, and our beach-themed room is really starting to take shape!

I'm still not feeling great, but there has been an improvement. I've been able to go out for dinner twice this week. Granted, tonight when we were in Kobe I had to go to the bathroom for a minute because I had that "I'm going to barf" feeling, but I ended up being ok.

So I had been craving a cherry limeade since yesterday, and A drove me to get one on our way home tonight. I was so excited when the huge-ass cup got passed to me through the car window. I took a big sip...pause...took another sip...well F my life. The damn thing tasted like a peach limeade. I had A take a drink - nope, he said it tasted just fine. It was me. My little peach made my cherry limeade taste like peach. I drank it anyway, but I was not satisfied.