The great panty disaster

My regular underwear doesn't fit anymore. Not that I had that many good pairs of underwear to begin with (aren't I sexy?!) but I had to go on the search for more underwear.

I have a 4-pack of maternity underwear from Motherhood Maternity. They fit well, although they have these giant annoying tags on the left side that itch and stick out. Plus, this underwear wasn't cheap. At all. It wasn't even really reasonable. Ok, maybe for the ladies who buy the fancy panties at Victoria's Secret it would be, but not for me.

So the last time I was in Target, I thought I would try something different. Instead of spending the big bucks on the special underwear, I would just get regular underwear, but in a bigger size. This way, I could get twice as many pairs as the other ones! I got one pack of regular cotton panties and one pack of boy shorts. This is what I ended up with:


Not kidding! Down to the color and everything! These bad boys can go all the way up to my belly button without even trying! And talk about ugly! Good thing I'm already pregnant, because I don't think I'll be getting any while wearing these enormous bloomers! I'm wearing my maternity skirt today, you know the kind with the high, stretchy waistbands of comfort. Well, my underwear goes up to the top of that! But if I bunch it back down to where it should be, then it looks funny outside of my dress clothes.

What about the boy shorts, you may ask. I actually tried those first, earlier this week. Your answer: my ass eats them. Yep, my ass has them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was constantly having to catch myself from picking wedgies in front of my students. This is what it felt like:

Yes, it felt like someone with questionable gender was pulling my undies up my ass and force-feeding it.

So the lesson of the day: don't be a cheap ass. Buy the stupid maternity underwear. That is, unless you never want to be comfortable or ever get laid again.