Having a shower makes me feel guilty

So my shower is this afternoon. After all the waiting and worrying and thinking that I wouldn't have a shower, I am indeed having one. So why do I feel so unsettled about it?

I feel guilty, like I don't deserve to have a shower. Like A and I should be able to get all of these things ourselves. I don't like having to rely on other people. As much as I try, I just seem to find myself in a bad mood this morning.

Out of all my friends that I invited, one has rsvp'ed. And even then I feel bad because she is so busy and I know that it's not easy for her to come across the river to spend time with me on the weekend.

I'm a bit nervous about how my mom and my aunt from Hawaii are going to act being around one another. They have both made it very clear to me that one does not like the other, but since my aunt and cousin are in town for once, I really wanted them to be there. My mom was not happy when I told her that they would be there.

Funny thing is, it's her side of the family that is flaking out. My aunt, cousin, and uncle's long-time gf all from her side of the family aren't coming because there's a basketball game on this afternoon. My aunt lied about why she couldn't come to my mom, and then mom found out from my grandpa that they were all getting together this afternoon at her house to watch the big game. Nice. I hate to say that I hold a grudge, but the next time I'm asked to be a supportive member of the family I'm going to remember this.

And then I feel guilty about being mad. Showers kind of suck for everyone except the person opening the gifts. Why should anyone want to come? Bah.

Ok, I should stop bitching and get ready for my day. Hopefully I can get out of this funk before this afternoon!