A Saturday update

The photo session went really well yesterday! It was a lot of fun, even though it was so hot out. We got everything done in 20 minutes, which was good because we were all sweating. I was going to do a few outfit changes with Daven but we had trouble getting one outfit off to get some shots of him in his diaper. I didn't want to upset him by trying to put more clothes on him.

Kortney said that she took around 100 pictures and that she would do basic editing and send them in the mail in a couple days. I can't wait!

A is going to play golf today and I am supposed to hang out with my friend, Ruth. She moved to town at the beginning of the summer, but she's been busy studying for the BAR exam. I'm glad I finally get to see her!

Ok, now I need to talk about this job interview I have on Monday.

First of all, I'm trying to not be overwhelmed by anxiety just thinking about leaving Daven to go to work. ::breathes::

In the district that my MIL works in they are hiring 4 aids for 4 different schools. I think most of them are for the middle school level. Well, my self-esteem level is so low that I don't even think I'll get a job offer. I know it shouldn't be like that but it is.

If I get the job then that will bring another set of problems - will my dad watch Daven? If not, how much will daycare cost? Apparently the starting pay for these positions is only $8.75 an hour. So if my dad decides that he has too much to do to watch him (which he totally doesn't, but he didn't sound too thrilled when I asked him about watching Daven - "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it") and daycare is really expensive, then I don't want to take the job. I don't want to sacrifice that much time with my son if I am only going to be able to bring home a tiny bit of money. I'd rather cook dinner every night and be able to stay home with bubby then be away from him all day and then go out to eat. I know A has a hard time understanding and I try to explain. I don't know if this even makes sense.

I knew when we started trying for a baby that I was have to be a working mom. And I was fine with that. Until I met my sweet Daven. Enter a big dose of ppd and it rips me apart inside to think about working.

So that is where we are. I'm going to go into the interview Monday and try my best. And if they like me enough to offer me a job then we will go from there.

I'm going to play with my bubby now :)