Still struggling with ppd

I really didn't think at this point that I would still be having so many issues with ppd. I guess I naively thought that it would go away by now. But here are just some of the things that I have been dealing with lately:

• I take everything personally.

• Because of this I cry too much.

• I have major separation anxiety and I get stomach pains even thinking about having to go back to work and leaving Daven. Hell, I can't even leave him to do see a movie!
  

• Daven has to sleep in my room. And it's because of me.

• When Daven cries and I can't immediately make it better, I cry. I honestly can't control it.

• I have anxiety attacks now, where I feel like my chest is tight and I can't breathe.
  

• My libido is way down. Sorry, A. I'm hoping this changes super soon :(

• I'm gaining all my weight back. And that makes me sad. So I want to eat more.

I have never wanted to hurt Daven or myself and in that regard I am lucky. I keep telling myself that it could be worse, and that other things are the reason instead of the ppd.

• Daven has been waking up every 1-2 hours every night lately, so I am pretty exhausted.

• We are very stretched for money right now since I can't find a job.

• I have an eczema rash literally all over my body. Seriously, it's not on my feet and that's about it. It's kind of miserable. At least I'm guessing it's eczema...

• One sister is leaving to go back to college, one doesn't like being around my son, and the other is recovering from a domestic violence attack and has started dating again (and stopped coming over and texting me)

On the upside I have a wonderful, healthy baby boy that I love more than anything and I wouldn't change that for the world! I know that eventually things will get better with me. I just hope everyone can be patient with me.


If you happen to read this, please feel free to share your experience with me. I know I am not alone and hearing other people's stories can help :)