I don't have a title (shit, now I do!)

::chants:: I will not bitch, I will not bitch, I will not bitch...

So I fucking hate work right now...

Damnit! I have no willpower.

Seriously though, like I've said before, especially in my other blog, for the most part it's not the kids. (Except for the 8th graders, and most of them can rot in hell) It's my boss, and my coworkers, and the last-minute changes that I have no control over. It's the fact that my planning period isn't as important as another teacher's. It's the fact that these people don't seem to want to stop and think about what it must take to put a Christmas program together; they just bitch when an extra rehearsal puts a bump in their day.

F you guys. Seriously, I'm crying on the way home from work every day, I'm bringing my bad mood home to A; it's just not good.

Then there are things unrelated to work, like getting a bill in the mail yesterday from the hospital saying that I owe them almost $500 for a visit to the ER I made way back in June of 08. Keep in mind that I've already paid a little over $1,000 for that one visit, and it's been paid off for quite some time now. But no, this is for a lab that was ordered by Dr. Douchenstein, and the insurance won't pay it because they don't have proof that I didn't have a previous condition, blah, blah, blah. The lady I talked to at the hospital was actually pretty nice and she told me that I needed to talk to my insurance. Then my insurance said that I had to talk to the insurance I had before them.

Um, no, I was covered under you guys.

But you had been with us for less than a year.

It had been 11 months.

We still need verification that you had insurance prior.

Go fuck yourself.

So now mom's got to call up her insurance, get a something-or-other paper, then I have to call and fax it to my (now previous) insurance so that they can "re-evaluate" the claim. I swear, if I go through all this trouble and I still have to pay, I'm going to be pissed. The fact that I've already paid so much for that one visit and now all this time later they're sticking me with more if fucking ridiculous. I hope that A's plan doesn't try to do this shit when Daven comes. Because there's no way in hell we'd be able to afford bills like that!

::pulls on a Snuggie and sips a warm mug of hot cocoa::

*Disclaimer* I would never own, nor wear a snuggie. And while I enjoy a good cup of hot chocolate, I am not drinking any at this time. Damnit, I just made myself want hot chocolate.

I think Fed Ex somehow delivered a drum set to my ute today without me noticing. Because it's felt like Daven's been playing tom toms today. Not just one kick, but several at a time, like he's trying to find the steady beat. That's my boy! Although mommy would appreciate it if you would pick another instrument to play. Now now, if you really super want to play drums you can, but mommy wants to you learn at least one other instrument as well. Besides, drums aren't as cool in band class as you would think. It's actually pretty boring and mommy doesn't want you to get in trouble with the band director for goofing off because you don't have anything to do.

What? You want to play football? You better want to march in the band too, mister. And you know that your daddy wants you to play with computers.

But really, Daven, mommy and daddy are going to let you explore whatever you want. Yes, you will probably be subjected to piano lessons early on so that you can grow your musical background, but if you want to play a sport, we won't mind.

Keep growing, baby boy. Mommy needs to know that this constant pain isn't for nothing! We love you!

I would like to say that this post will not contain bitching and instead will be filled with puppies and rainbows about pregnancy and life in general.
Now, if you know me or have spent more than 5 seconds with me ever, then you should know that I in fact love puppies and pretty much everything furry. But guys, this is an expression, and for that sake, the puppies will have to take a sabbatical for the time being.

Let's start with Monday's shit list:

• My room was a wreck when I came in this morning.
• Someone stole the lotion from my desk.
• Contrary to popular belief, I cannot, in fact, get on the internet at school without immediately getting another virus.
• This means that I am still without internet at work.
• My electives class are still a bunch of shits.
• My principle has decided (without asking me first) that during our dress rehearsal for the Veteran's Day program on Thursday afternoon, none of the homeroom teachers need to come down with their classes. This means that I will have the following in the church at the same time by myself: 5th, 6th, 7th grades, all of church choir (3-8), my sign language electives, and my band and orchestra.
• I was not told when a teacher asked me to switch months with her for faculty meeting treats that she was the leader, thereby making me the leader responsible for getting the food together. I realized this today. Meeting is on Wednesday.
  
• My dog has decided that she will no longer pee in the grass. She must pee on the sidewalk.
• I was a bad puppy mama and spanked her butt for peeing there.
• I was a grump on the phone to A when he called.

I am really having a hard time making it through the day at school. I feel like I shouldn't have to be so stressed every day. It's not healthy, damnit! And I'm sure that plenty of other people in my situation would find a way to be not so stressed. But this is shit that would have bugged me before being pregnant. Now add in all those funky hormones and I'm a ticking time-bomb. Will I cry? Will I curse? No one can tell!

I feel so guilty for spanking Oreo. I really do. When you think about it, that's a stupid thing to get furious at your dog about. I mean, at least she was going outside, right? But it smells bad when she goes there and people walk there! I've given her plenty of high-pitched praise and pets since then, though. I hope she's not too mad at me.

A and I are going to try a new recipe tonight for honey dijon chicken. I hope it turns out well. I sounds good.

I need to get out of this funk. It's killing my stomach.

I'm bad at planning and preparing for baby

Still don't have a shower date.

No baby bedding purchased.

Don't have any of the furniture for the nursery.

Don't have the nursery (this one is not my fault)

I feel like we're so far behind on everything. Like Daven is going to get here and not even have a crib to sleep in. I know everything will get done, but I can't help but fret about it a bit.

Thank goodness it's the weekend. I slept in. I've already taken a nap. I haven't showered. I would like to get rid of this headache I've got. And it would be nice to be able to stand up without going "Oooh, ahhh" like an old person, but I'd settle for just the headache being gone.

My mother in law is making potato soup tonight and I'm looking forward to it. Although I forgot to tell her when I requested grilled cheese with it that I prefer mine with cheddar. I guess I'll settle for american. Not the end of the world.

::yawn:: I need another nap.

Pretty much nothing but bitching

What started out as a perfectly ok day took a sour turn after lunch when I had my middle school kids. One girl gets pissed and doesn't understand why I won't let her use my whole roll of tape so that she can put it on her face. Yes, this same girl, who I had for two back-to-back classes today went to the office in between them and told the secretary that I needed a roll of tape. By the time I realized that she had done this, she was sitting in my room with half of her leg taped up. WTF. Then after I took that tape away, she took the tape off herself she balled it up and they class started hitting it around the room.

Not so funny when you're the teacher and no one gives a shit that you exist.

I have another kid, a 7th grader, who is in my sign language elective. He doesn't have a binder, hasn't done any of his homework, has failed a quiz, and will not participate. When we are going over signs, he interrupts by asking how to sign the most outlandish things. I have tried to explain to them that I am not an expert at this, and there are many things that they are going to have to look up on their own if they wish to know it. Then when I ask them how to spell a sign (of which we have already gone over before and the directions of how to sign it with a picture are in a packet that I gave them) he just makes up something and then argues with me that this is how it should be signed. Mother fucker. Seriously?

The sad thing is, apparently he's recently been tested and they have said he has severe ADHD. But mom has said that she will not consider any medication of any kind, and that we are not allowed to put him on the accommodations list. All of the teachers who have him are supposed to meet with his mother next week, although I don't know what they hell we are supposed to do with him. It's pretty frustrating. Plus, all of that info was "off the record" from out counselor, so I'm not even supposed to know any of it.

I don't even know where I was going with that. I drove the whole way home in tears because the 8th grade is so terrible. They literally will not listen to a word that I say. They refuse to get quiet. They only thing that will even momentarily shut them up is if I yell at the top of my lungs. But seeing as it still hurts my back to even breath normally, I was not going to yell. I've tried reading up on discipline - I've read a book and a half this past week alone. I've tried to be positive with them. I told them today how bright of a group of kids they are and that they shouldn't sell themselves short. But even when I was complementing them, only a few were actually listening. So I gave up. I gave them their packets about this week's world cultures music and I said it's due at the end of class. Then I sat at my desk and fought back tears. I had three kids come up to me to clarify directions on what they were supposed to do.

I hate that class. I really do. Not every kid, but that class as a group, I hate them. And I'm giving up. I'm not wasting my time trying to connect with them anymore. I'm at a loss of what to do. There's no help from the principal. And every other special areas teacher has similar issues with them, so I know it's not just me. Fuck it. Let my maternity leave sub deal with them and tell the principal what a bunch of shits they are.


So what about the pregnancy? This is a blog about being pregnant, right?

Well, I woke up this morning and good ole nausea was back. Luckily I did not throw up. It went away for a while and showed back up just in time for me to not eat lunch. Also, I'm starting to think that this back/hip pain is here to stay. I'm honestly not seeing it getting any better before Daven makes his debut. Of course when I tell people that my back is bothering me, they don't seem to think that it's any big deal. But I feel like I'm almost crippled the way the pain is affecting me. I'm not a fan. It hurts in a way that is hard to describe. I'm going to ask my doctor about it next week, although I'm sure she's just going to say that this is something I have to deal with and that there's not anything I can do to make it better.

So, not only is my carpel tunnel acting up in my left wrist, but I think I'm developing it in my right wrist now. I had kind of worried about this and wondered if it was going to happen to me, since it's so common to get while you're pregnant. I guess I got my answer. It's not unbearable yet though. Just hurts when I try to grip things.

Also, my belly button really hurts. Thought you should know.

Well, I guess that's all this Negative Nancy has to say for right now. I still love you, baby boy. Don't worry. Mommy just had a rough day.

3rd trimester!

Yesterday was my first official day in 3rd tri! That's pretty scary, considering that I'm beginning the last part of this pregnancy. February will be here before we know it. (or are ready!) As of now, my baby is as hefty as a cauliflower.

I haven't been able to update my blog quite a bit as I've wanted to, mostly because I have been without internet at work. We have this virus going around through the network and every time I plug in, I get re-infected. I know, it's sad that I did most of my blogging at work. I know that I shouldn't do that. But it did help get me through some pretty tough days. Well, obviously, since so many of my posts are nothing but ranting!

So what's been happening this week? My back has been bothering me something awful. At times it even hurts to breath. Because of the Veteran's Day program being next week and the fact that I've already had to start Christmas music with the kids, my eczema is back in full force. I'm really trying hard not to start scratching my eyes though, because that is the worst!

My button and my belly have also been pretty itchy lately. But I guess that's to be expected.

A and I were supposed to go to a concert last night, but we ended up staying home because of my back. I felt so bad and guilty. I wanted to go, and I know A had been looking forward to going for quite some time now. He tried to find someone to go with him, but people were either busy or it wasn't there cup of tea. A was really sweet about it, even though I still couldn't help but be upset about the whole thing.

I know I'm normally more long-winded than this, but I'm super tired and it's really hurting my back sitting here at the computer. I'll leave you with the (more than usual) weekly pics. 27 weeks today!







Mommy loves you, baby Daven. And so does daddy. We can't wait to meet you! Just do us a favor though, and don't come out yet, because you're not done!

Halloween pics!

A dressed up as the late Billy Mays and I went as a pregnant nun. A had known what he was going to dress up as for a while, but for whatever reason I didn't decide until really late that I was even going to dress up at all! Luckily I was able to find everything I needed for my costume for pretty cheap.

Here we are getting ready to leave the house:



We went over to Shelby's party first. She had it at her friend's house, and they were all nice there. I fell in love with the buffalo chicken dip that they had. Shit, I even looked up how to make it and got the ingredients at the store yesterday! Seriously though, it was delicious. We hung out, chatted, ate, and watched scary movies. I watched everyone slowly get trashed. I'm sure they were even more fun after we left!

I told A that his fake beard wasn't going to last very long!

Me and Shelbs

My damn habit thingy-ma-bobber wouldn't stay on right all night! Crooked piece of shit!

We left Shelby's party to go over to JP's house. It was pretty uneventful there. I don't have any pics, because honestly I fell asleep on his love seat. Oops. I couldn't help it though! When the damn thing doesn't even start until after 11, what do you expect? I'm not keeping my college days hours any longer. My ass was tired!

Somewhere along the line I misplaced my habit. A's weird beard is still floating around my purse somewhere. I was a fun Halloween and I'm glad that I ended up dressing up and getting out.

Welcome to shit town

Yes, I know I haven't posted anything about Halloween yet. Silly me relied on other people to take most of the pics, so I'm waiting on those to get put up on fb before I do my post about that. Still haven't decided if it will be on this blog or the other one. Guess you'll just have to check to find out!

I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and the ride just fucking crashed. I am out of control. I cry at everything. I don't know how A puts up with it. He will say one small insignificant thing and I will start bawling my eyes out. I cry at sad things on tv. I cry at happy things on tv. I cry when there's a commercial on tv that I don't like. I need Prozac. Or tequila. Both? Don't fret though, guys. I'm not gunna. I love my baby Daven too much.

I am so frecking tired I can barely think straight to do a proper rant. Lets just say that today was a typical Monday, and I have been reassured that the other teachers in my school do not view my classes as equal in importance to theirs. I give them all a big middle finger. Two of them. Wish I had more to give.

This back ache bull shit has got to stop. It hurts so bad I cry in public. It hurts so bad that A has to help me step in and out of the shower. I can't bend down all the way. Every time I stand up, I'm afraid I might not be able to stay standing.

"It's only going to get worse, honey."

Bite my fucking ass, coworker. You were pregnant 20 years ago, so don't pretend like I'm just making this pain up. My principal gives me the side eye when he sees me sitting down in the classroom. ::middle finger::

I really wish that there was something I could do to make this pain stop. Tylenol doesn't do shit. Heat helps it for as long as I'm heated, but even then, I can't heat everywhere that hurts at the same time. And it's definitely a struggle trying to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee.

And yes, I would like some cheese to go with the whine.

I'm supposed to meet A and his parents in an hour for dinner. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I'm struggling sitting at the computer right now. If I could manage getting in the shower myself, I would have already gone ahead and taken one so I could put my pjs on. I just don't see them eating somewhere that is good enough for me to want to leave the house again. I'm fighting back tears right now for no reason. And A's dad doesn't really handle me being emotional very well. He just makes fun of me and reminds us that we were the ones that decided to get pregnant.

My grandpa, love him, says that I am in a "delicate state". At least that's what he said when I called my uncle out on his bullshit towards my aunt last night. I get the visual that this means I'm like a wilting flower or something. Who knows. I'm definitely a time bomb for tears and cursing rants, though. That's for sure.

Fuck the Veteran's Day program next week.

Fuck the Christmas program.

I am so done being stressed about work. And I am done having to take it home with me every night. I am just done. I don't get paid enough for this.

Oh, and my left nipple has started to leak slightly. Enough to make my boobie sticky. Now this, I am certain, will get worse. ::sarcastic thumbs up::

F it in the A, y'all. F it in the A.